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Rockin' the Sadcore

by Fangs

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1.
I made it back to the promised land for one brief passin' glance. The devil offered out his hand, and lead the way to that warmer land. Fearlessly I'm spiralin' Straight into oblivion. Wakin' up afraid and cold With absolutely no control. I had a foot in the promised land. Another foot in the quicksand. I clawed out with both my hands. And in a flash dove headfirst back. Knowingly, I'm spiralin' back into oblivion. Alternatin' hot and cold. No such thing as self-control. I got like two sides: A hard try, and no lines. And I feel like I'm alright for like five percent time.
2.
No I don't got a choice, No I ain't never had. Ain't shit but a specka' sputtered stardust in a bag. The illusion of free will has made mad many a man. Thinkin' he's got somethin' to do with the sins of his two hands. This world'll have you believin' autonomy is true, but the brain surge occurs before you know your move, and if you thought you thought of a thought you thought that'd proved your in control. All you got's the first memory ya stirred when you sparked a random nerve. Yea it feels bad when you see that "you" ain't done anything for anything. But it's so good, when you know that every coulda' been was a never could have been. If you saw a time lapse goin back 10 million years, and you saw man arise from the tree climbin' kind. Would you say it's a fake because God made man straight outta' mud? With some black boxed magic spell that man can never unvail? Got a picture of reality that makes ya pleased. And you'll do anything to keep it blemish free. Yur a pro-life "love my guns" type and ya don't like no gay rights. A select eye for confirmin' finds and ya can't be falsified. Yea it feels good when ya think that ya got the big man on yur side. but it's so bad cause it breaks man up by name brand of a never land. And at first yur like what's the point to life when you pull the guise, and yur nothin more than nature's whore for makin' more. Yur a small blip in the fabric of nothin' for a cosmic second.
3.
1, 2, 10 and I'm at it again. Thought I was free, but now I'm on my knees. Feels better when it's worse first. Cold sweat into warm peace. Nod straight outta dry heaves. I'm at the cross roads. of suicide or drugs, and I don't got the guts, so I guess it's just one way. Is that the truth, or an excuse to justify more use because I got the blues? Yea, but what do I care, cause I've only got what, 50 more years? And man's life's just a shit smear on an otherwise beautiful sphere. So why do I really care, if I'm on drugs? I'm sick of bein' alone, but I hate everyone. Always stuck in a tense and frenzied mode. On my way to the grave, no love to my name. Told myself its my choice. Blamed it on everyone else. I'm at the crossroads of feelin bad all the time or makin up my mind and tryin to turn the tide. I'll try anything now to someway somehow turn this shit around. You've got the love I need, and I don't care if it's not for free. No, cause I'm like fuckin pro at makin fake shit feel like real so... I really don't even know why I'm cryin. When you hold me near I can feel your heart beat the drum in my ear, and it feels like its real. Goddam it's real. I couldn't help but make believe for the day. Fell hard in an adolescent way. I'm at the crossroads of bein' alone for all time, or thickenin' my hide and settin foot outside. I'll try anything now to some way somehow turn this shit around, but... I don't got what it takes. It says so on my face. My expression is laced with pain and shame.
4.
Lavender 04:52
You held my head against your chest. I felt your every single breath. I fell apart inside your arms. I woke brand new and all I knew was your warmth. And your steady beatin' heart. The way you loved me was an art. I saw your soul and cried and cried. I couldn't keep the joy inside I felt your lips on my forehead. You brought me back from the dead. When I met you I was shy. I couldn't look you in the eye. I was just a little boy. You could hear it in my voice. I was naked in my clothes. Fangs and fears fully exposed. I love you little momma bear. I got you with me everywhere I smell lavender. A shred of life remained in me. A shred of life I couldn't see.

credits

released March 2, 2018

All songs written by Nathan Ponzar.
Kevin Krauss--Drums (1,3-7).
Nathan Ponzar--Guitar, bass, vocals, drums (2).
Voiceover by MistressVictoria (3).
Recorded by Ben Majchrzak and Will Godfred at Native Sound.
Mixed by Ben Majchrzak at Native Sound.
Mastered by Daniel Merhmann.
Photography & Design by Angela Vories Fine Art Photography & Design.
Additional Design by Vivian Crosby.
Copyright Nathan Ponzar 2018.

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